


Efficiency Over Emotions

by We_deserve_rainbows



Series: Efficiency And Emotions [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Bottling emotions, How not to deal with emotions, Logan Angst, Mental Breakdown, Not Beta Read, bad mental health, deceit is a bad guy in this one, no ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-30 08:00:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18311495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/We_deserve_rainbows/pseuds/We_deserve_rainbows
Summary: After the last video, after so much happened, and he was barely there at all, Logan was struggling to feel nothing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some Logan angst after the last video.

After the last video, after so much happened, and he was barely there at all, Logan was struggling to feel nothing. He had said, under oath, that he feels nothing, but he wasn't sure that was completely true. He was sitting in his room trying his very best to write a refusal for the callback but he was just staring at a blank sheet of paper. He had to feel nothing, he had to, for Thomas, for all of them. 

Before he even realized it tears were trickling down his face, he let out a confused mix between a sob and a gasp and cover his mouth with his hands. He was horrified, he couldn't do this, he fell out of his chair and backed up into a bookshelf. He shut his eyes and took a moment to think rationally. He was the embodiment of logic, it didn't make sense that he had emotions at all, it defied logic! He had to get back to work he couldn't feel this. He could function without emotions, in fact, he functioned better without them, so he separated his feelings from himself. He removed them. It was a skill he had cultivated over many years, and it served him well as logic. So he continued to work, and continued to ignore the sob that struggled to escape his throat.

After a few minutes Virgil knocked on his door, Logan steadied himself and let Virgil in.

“Greetings Virgil,” Logan said with calculated precision, careful not to let any emotion bleed through his words, “What can I do for you this evening?” 

“Well, I thought I heard something from your room and I wanted to make sure you’re doing ok,” Virgil said with a slightly suspicious look in his eyes, “so, are you good?” Virgil questioned with hostility in his voice to mask how much he was worried about Logan.

“Yes Virgil I am adequate,” The lie rolled seamlessly off his tongue, “now would you please leave me alone, I have work to do,” Logan was struggling to repress the whimper that was straining to leave his throat and the tears that wanted so desperately to show Virgil how much he was hurting, but he pushed that down and smiled while he closed the door. He collapsed onto the floor by his desk and clawed at his face while his voice betrayed him and continued to let tiny sobs out from behind his hands.

“Now now Logan,” a voice said from the corner of his room, Logan was momentarily shocked out of tears to see Deceit leering at him, “We can’t have this, now can we?” Deceit said, approaching Logan, “The logical side, feeling all these icky emotions,” 

Logan glared at Deceit through teary eyes, about to dispel Deceit from his room but before he could get a word out Deceit continued, “maybe I can help you with that,”

The words banishing Deceit died on his tongue and he couldn't help but to say, “Go on,”

Instead of discussing anything further, Deceit produced a simple glass bottle from a pocket, “I can encapsulate any emotions you many feeling in one of these jars,” Deceit explained when Logan raised an inquiring eyebrow at Deceit. Deceit smiled and waited for the questions that would come from Logan.

“What do you get? Why do you want to do this for me?” Logan questioned, bewildered that deceit would want to help.

“What? Is it so hard to believe that one would want to help someone who only wants to do the best work they can do, and be the best that they can be?” Deceit questioned, feigning innocence, sarcasm dripping from every word, “One small thing, I get to keep the bottle, though I suppose that won't bother you,”

“No, that doesn't bother me,” Logan said, eager to rid himself of emotions, “What do I need to do?” Logan asked.

“So you want to do it? You're fine with this?” Deceit asked, he looked slightly surprised but he quickly shook it off and returned to his regular demeanor.

“Yes, what do I have to do?” Logan repeated, looking expectantly at Deceit.

“Nothing, just sit still,” Deceit answered as he uncorked the bottle. He raised his arm and Logan felt his mind clear from his previous breakdown and his thoughts get more analytical and less emotional. He looked at the bottle that Deceit had just capped to see an almost transparent blue-gray gas inside. Deceit pocketed the bottle and reached down to help Logan up. 

“Thank you Deceit, I'm sure I will be more efficient now,” Logan said with a detached voice, “goodbye,” Deceit smirked as he disappeared from Logan's room. He sat down and got to work writing the refusal and smiling to himself, now he could finally fulfill his role as logic.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan had been more efficient over the past week than he had in the whole of his existence in Thomas. The fact that Deceit would do that for the benefit of Thomas was hard to believe but Logan couldn't complain, he was so much better now.

Logan had been more efficient over the past week than he had in the whole of his existence in Thomas. The fact that Deceit would do that for the benefit of Thomas was hard to believe but Logan couldn't complain, he was so much better now. He was making a plan for filming the next video when he heard a knock on his door and looked up, “You may enter,” he called out impassively.

“Hey there kiddo,” Patton said, poking his head into Logan's room, “it's family night, we’re watching a movie,” He exclaimed, the huge grin on his face showing that he was clearly excited about spending time with his family.

“Apologies Patton, but it is illogical for me to waste time watching a movie right now,” Logan deadpanned, not even looking up from his notebook, “I have to work right now,” Logan finally looked up from his work to try and shoo Patton out of the room.

Pattons smile fell from his face as he was ushered out of the room, “but, Logan, we always have family night,” he said dejectedly, he looked into Logan’s emotionless eyes and grabbed onto his wrists before he was completely shoved out of the room, “Lo, are you feeling okay?”

“Yes Patton my health is satisfactory, now I really need to get some work done,” he said in a cold tone as he tore his arms away from Patton. He went to shut the door but before he could Virgil shoved his foot between the door and the frame. Virgil and Roman had come looking for Patton and Logan.

“Ha ha Logan we know you like to say that you don't have emotions but that can't be true, how are you ACTUALLY doing?” Virgil questioned with a bit of aggression showing through his tone. Both Virgil and Roman were standing with their arms crossed and Patton was staring at the ground with a hurt expression and fidgeting with the sleeve of his cardigan.

“I am perfectly adequate, and I don't actually have emotions now Virgil,” Logan said a tiny bit of pride bleeding through his mask of indifference, “I can finally be of use to you,” Logan looked at the faces of his friends and saw the concern and hurt painting their faces and was confused, “what's wrong?”

“Logan,” Roman started carefully after a moment of apprehensive silence, “what do you mean, ‘I don’t actually have emotions now’, surely you can't be serious,” he said, terror slightly edging into his voice and when Logan said nothing and just stared at Roman with a look of faint confusion in his eyes Roman said with soft terror in his voice, “Lo what did you do?”

“I simply separated my emotions from myself, it's really for the betterment of Thomas,” Logan explained with no emotion in his voice as he looked at the increasingly disturbed faces of his family, “Deceit was really very helpf-,” that was as far as he could get before Virgil interrupted him.

“Wait, you let DECEIT take your emotions away?!” Virgil demanded, “Why would you trust him?” Virgil shouted tears of frustration and fear forming at the corners of his eyes. Roman and Patton were in similar states of shock, fear, and confusion. Logan raised a curios eyebrow at their reactions, he really didn't understand, he was better this way.

“Deceit really isn't as bad as you all think, he just wanted to help me,” Logan said going back to sit at his desk and get back to work, “so I let him,” the others came into his room and sat on his bed while he got back to work, “really, you all need to believe me, I’m better this way,” Logan didn't look at their horrified faces.

“Logan, we need you, the you that has feelings and loves talking for hours about astrometry and the teachings of silly philosophers, the you that doesn't have any emotions is scary and probably won't help thomas much,” Patton said, his voice thick with emotion, tears starting to trickle down his face. The look Logan gave them before shoving them out of his room was ice. 

Roman, Virgil, and Patton stood in the mind palace outside of Logan's room, terror didn't even begin to describe the mood of the room, “Well,” Roman began, his voice full of alarm, “what are we going to do to rescue Logan from the evil grip of Deceit?” Patton shrugged and Virgil had the beginnings of an idea forming in his head but his anxiety pushed the words down, no, he had to, for Logan.

“Uh, guys, I could try and get Deceit from his room,” Virgil mumbled, anxiously fiddling with his hoodie string, “I could probably do it,” he trailed off, looking intently at the faces of Roman and Patton.

“Are you sure kiddo?” Patton asked, genuine concern in his eyes, “We don't want you to get hurt,” he said while Roman nodded his agreement. Virgil nodded gravely and turned to leave with Patton shouting well wishes after him.

Virgil took a right down a hallway and began to prepare himself for Deceits room, he took three deep breaths and sank down, focusing on Deceits room. He rose up to see Deceit sitting on an elaborate armchair, reading an unmarked book. He cleared his throat and Deceit looked up, seemingly unsurprised by Virgil sudden appearance.

“Virgil,” Deceit exclaimed feigning delight, he closed his book and stood up to speak with Virgil, “to what do I owe the pleasure?” despite Deceit being exactly the same height as him, he seemed to tower over Virgil. 

“Whatever you did to Logan, undo it,” Virgil glowered, “we want our friend back,” he stood at his full height to look Deceit in the eye and let him know he wasn't kidding around. Deceit merely laughed and took a small glass bottle that contained a wispy blue gas out from under his cape. A gasp left Virgil's throat as he realized that the contents of the bottle were probably Logans emotions. He tried to reach for the bottle but Deceit held it back.

“Not so fast Virgil,” Deceit said, you could hear the smirk in his voice, “Logan wanted these gone, he practically begged,” Deceit saw the objection forming on Virgil's lips and the confusion seeping through the eyes he was trying so hard to keep impartial, he rolled his eyes and said, “oh please Virgil, he was in the middle of a panic attack when I got there,” Virgil's heart sank to the floor when he heard that, how much pain had Logan been hiding, how much had Virgil missed? “I was doing him, and everyone else, a favor by removing his emotions,” Deceit finished, looking at Virgil's hurt expression with amusement.

Virgil took a breath and composed himself, “Deceit, please, just give me the bottle, I would owe you a huge favor,” he pleaded, pain in his eyes, but he was resolved to get that bottle, he couldn’t fail now. Virgil saw Deceits hesitation as he mulled over his options before coming to a decision.

“Okay Virgil,” Deceit said, handing Virgil the bottle, “but I’m warning you, there's a fair chance he won't want those back,” Virgil nodded and sank out of the room, he would get Logan back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya go! Another chapter! I thrive on comments so tell me your thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil rose back up outside of Logan's room where the others were anxiously waiting, Virgil looked at them gravely while silently showing them the bottle, “Is that,” Patton nervously began before Virgil cut him off with a single grim nod.

Virgil rose back up outside of Logan's room where the others were anxiously waiting, Virgil looked at them gravely while silently showing them the bottle, “Is that,” Patton nervously began before Virgil cut him off with a single grim nod.

“Well,” Roman exclaimed, the sudden optimism shining in his eyes, “what are we waiting for? Let's go save our nerd!” he seized the bottle and tried to open Logans door but couldn't reach it before both Patton and Virgil held him back, “What are you doing?! Don't you want Logan back to normal?” Roman said defeatedly, slumping down onto the floor.

“Princey, we need to have a plan,” Virgil rubbed his eyes, “we can't just barge in there, Deceit said that Logan wouldn't want his emotions back,” Virgil explained to a defeated Roman, who just looked at him with sad eyes.

“Yeah kiddo, Logan want to come in unexpectedly, we should knock first,” Patton said, knocking on Logan’s door with no plan. Virgil's face morphed into confusion as Patton immediately went against the advice he had just given. There was a heavy sigh from the other side of the door before Logan invited them in with a heavy voice. Patton cautiously opened the door and all of them walked into the room where Logan was still working. He looked over at them and when his gaze landed on the bottle that Roman held gingerly he fell out of his chair in shock.

“What are you doing with that?” he demanded, voice showing the most emotion they had heard from him all week, “Roman, you don't know what you’re doing with that,” he desperately said, reaching for the bottle only to trip and fall down at Roman’s feet. He looked up at them and they saw him trying in vain to convince them to give him the bottle, “Roman give me the bottle, you have to keep it closed,” Logan begged, still reaching for the bottle that Roman was holding high over his head. 

“Logan, it’s for your own good, and Thomass’,” Virgil told him, reaching down to help get Logan to his feet. Once Logan was standing up he looked at them and saw pity and desperation in their eyes. There was no way that he was going to let them force his emotions back on him, he needed to be efficient, for all of them! “Logan, please,” Virgil practically begged, he wanted his friend back damn it! “Please just let us open the bottle,” Virgil took the bottle from Roman and he felt it quiver and shake, he paled when he realized that this was his emotions reacting to the situation. 

“No! Please no! You can't, you can't open it,” Logan’s voice shook as he spoke, “I-I won't let you,” all of them heard the irrational despair in his voice so Patton lead Logan to sit on his perfectly made bed, Roman and Virgil followed and sat behind Patton who was sitting across from Logan. The bottle was shaking like mad as Logan sat cross-legged and stared at them emotionlessly. “I do not wish for you to open the bottle,” Logan said with a small voice, “it would only be to all of your detriment,” 

Virgil handed the bottle to Patton who looked down quickly in surprise when he felt how much the bottle was moving, “Logan, we can't function as a family without you as your normal self,” Patton said, kindly looking at Logan who he could see was calculating Patton's words in his head, “so I would like very much to open the bottle,” Patton continued cautiously, tilting his head at Logan to prompt him to speak.

“Patton, I believe I perform my duties as logic better when I am without the burden of emotions,” he hesitated when he saw the crestfallen looks of his family, “however,” he continued and everyone looked intently at him, “if everyone is in agreement that you cannot function without my having emotions,” the others nodded vigorously, “I suppose that you may open the bottle,” he finished looking down, and closing his eyes and bracing himself for the flood of emotions that was about to hit him. 

“Okay kiddo, if you’re sure,” Patton said cautiously and Logan nodded grimly in response. Patton carefully took the cork out of the bottle, the gas immediately flew out of the bottle and went straight towards Logan, his eyes widdened at the gas was absorbed into his body. At once, tears formed at the edges of Logan's eyes, hiccuping sobs erupted from his throat as the emotions he didn't feel for the past week caught up with him. Roman and Patton stared in shock but Virgil, who had always suspected Logan of hiding most of his emotions, quickly went to his side and covered Logan with a hug, Logan leaned into his touch and sobbed into his sweatshirt. While Virgil was whispering methods of dealing with a panic attack into Logans ear, Patton moved to hold Logan's hand comfortingly. Tears of sympathy ran down Patton's face as he rubbed small circles on Logan’s back and Roman went to hold his other hand. None of them had any idea how bad Logan’s mental health really was.

While Logan was sobbing the others exchanged worried glances, how would they help Logan get better? Logan’s sobs were getting more and more infrequent and soom his breathing evened out and he was sleeping, so the others fell asleep to, and tried to keep Logan’s nightmares at bay. When they eventually woke up Logan looked up at them and said “Thank you,” with a small smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is! I feel like it turned out pretty well! I thrive on comments, so tell me what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> So, should I continue it? I love to hear from y’all!


End file.
